This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize