he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
