Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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