The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
