sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize