i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize