Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am naked and annoyed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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