He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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