around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am midnight drunk by noon
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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