He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
