I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
