I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
