is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
