I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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