just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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