We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
