Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
