Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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