i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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