sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
only you would photoshop your dick
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
