i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
