why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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