Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
