I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
