If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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