I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
