Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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