It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
