All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize