marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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