Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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