A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
