Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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