the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
