I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
