He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We smell like vodka and hangover
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
