My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
