so that wasnt chicken after all
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
