I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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