Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have feelings that need drinking.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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