Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
