I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
