It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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