I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
