I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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