I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
