I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
