i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
