Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
