Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
