im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
