I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
