I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
