I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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