She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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