I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
