; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
