theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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