I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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