It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
