Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
