She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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