Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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