my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
