Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
