**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
